It's About Time

I know, none of you have been waiting for me, but perhaps you have noticed that a couple of books have been on my reading list for a LONG time. Today I completed A Failure of Nerve, by the late rabbi and business/political consultant Edwin Friedman. It is a book recommended to me by my brother, who said that it had changed much of his perspective on leadership.

Of course, we are nearly all leaders, at least in our homes, and Friedman spends much time forging connections between family dynamics and world dynamics, so there is something in here for everyone.

Some highlights (not saying how much I agree with each one, but at least to some degree I agree with them all):

- Empathy is worthless. It places the power in the hands of the weakest link.
- It is more important for leaders to be differentiated (able to stand for themselves) than to be "team players." Followers want to know that leaders are firm in their commitments to themselves.
- The presence of the leader is his/her most important attribute, and thus it is most critical for a leader to be emotionally balanced.
- Data too frequently cripples decision making. Sooner or later, someone has to gut out the making of a decision; you can't collect date indefinitely.

Maybe the most powerful chapter had to do with emotional triangles. It showed how one linear relationship always affects at least two other linear relationships. Here's an example: If I am married (yes, I am!), my relationship with my spouse will have effect on my relationship with my work, and vice versa. Same for my spouse. Often, problems arise in the secondary relationships (say me and my work) because of problems in my primary relationship (me and my spouse); Friedman argues that the problems will continue with my work until I take care of my spousal relationship. Triangles cannot be abandoned in our lives, so we need to learn how one relationship affects another and go after the direct relationships rather than the indirect ones.

Well, it's been a while since I've written a book report, but there you go!